Squishy and Pink
by xxLittle Black Dressxx
Summary: Things aren't always what they seem. Set in the 8x13 If/Then episode. Main couple: Addison/Derek. Strong mentions of Alex/Izzie. Hints of Mark/Lexie.


A/N: I'd just as soon like to forget that the 8x13 If/Then episode ever happened. I get that the whole goal of the episode was to show how everything is somehow 'meant to be'; but it seemed like a pretty cheap move to completely destroy Addison and Alex's characters (especially Addison's) to prove that point. Since Addison and Alex are two of my favorites, I wrote this story to try to redeem their characters. And I, of course, wanted to give Addek the shot they deserve, and also give Alex a better ending than the one he got in that episode. Fair warning: some of the show's darlings don't get treated so darling in this story. I don't think it's even close to the same level of character assassination that took place in 8x13, but I figured I'd give a heads up. I hope you like this story, and thank you so much for reading (if you still are reading; I realize this author's note is on the longer side). :)

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**Squishy and Pink**

Addison leaned against the wall of the elevator, and looked down at the floor, silently commanding herself not to cry. It didn't matter that she was the only one in the elevator; she'd shed enough tears in the hospital for one day, and she wasn't going to shed any more.

She had done what she needed to do. She told Derek that the baby wasn't his. And now maybe they could both try to move on with their lives, and she could settle for some semblance of happy.

"Hey," a male voice greeted, ripping her from her thoughts; and Addison looked up to see Alex Karev entering the elevator.

"You know, I should really thank you," Alex went on. "Your confession to Derek has the hospital going crazy. Nobody's even thinking about what I did to Meredith this afternoon."

Addison gave a defeated shrug. "This hospital always seems to need a virtual punching bag. If it's me, so be it."

"Come on, even you've got to admit that what you did was low," Alex chided, pushing the stop button on the elevator. "I mean, what kind of person lets their husband believe that-"

"Karev, I don't need a lecture from you," Addison snapped. "I've saved your personal and professional ass, so spare me the condescension."

"You've saved my personal and professional ass?" Alex smirked in surprise. "How?"

Addison rolled her eyes. "You just said yourself that nobody's talking about how you cheated on Meredith because they're all too busy talking about me. And do you really think you'd be Chief Resident if you hadn't stayed on my service and decided to specialize in neonatal?"

Alex gave a concessionary nod. She had a point. She'd saved his ass big time.

"I'm sorry," he said quietly.

Addison shrugged. "It's better this way."

"So, are you going back to New York with Mark? I'm asking for my sake," Alex backpedaled, when he noticed Addison look at him pointedly. "I could care less about hospital gossip. I just want to know if I'm losing my mentor."

Addison gave him a dry smile. "I'm not going back with Mark. It wouldn't work."

Alex looked at her in confusion. "Um, correct me if I'm wrong, but it kind of seems like the perfect situation. Mother, fath-"

"It wouldn't work," Addison interrupted. "We'd go back, and we'd try to make it work. But one of us would cheat. Him with a peds nurse. Me with an intern. Something like that. We wouldn't do it to hurt each other. It's just who we are, and the type of relationship we have with each other."

"Not to mention, you wouldn't feel right asking him to help you raise Derek's child," Alex added smugly.

Addison's eyes widened in surprise. "How did you…who told you?" she stammered, before quickly regaining her composure. She cleared her throat, and shot him a pointed look. "I think you may have misheard the hospital gossip," she recovered.

"Oh no, I heard it just fine," Alex countered. "But I think it's bullshit."

Addison shrugged evasively. "All you have are your suspicions. And, at the end of the day, it doesn't matter what you believe to be true. It matters what Derek thinks."

"Oh cut the crap, Addison," Alex snapped, startling her with both his tone of voice and his use of her first name. "So, why'd you it?" he asked a little more gently. "Why'd you lie to him?"

Addison met Alex's eyes and sighed. She knew she didn't need to tell him anything. This was her business. But his reputation had taken a hit today too, and that gave them something in common.

"Why'd you do it?" Alex repeated softly.

"For the exact opposite reason you cheated on Meredith Webber today," Addison responded cryptically.

"Because you love him," Alex assessed, easily reading the subtext of his boss' veiled answer.

"Exactly," Addison nodded. "But he doesn't love me." _Do you love me? Do you? Can you say it without looking at the floor?"_

"He's not happy with me," Addison continued. "And it's not fair to him or to me. And it's especially not fair to her," she said, looking down at the swell of her stomach.

"Her?" Alex asked in surprise. "I thought you and Derek weren't finding out the sex."

"Derek didn't want to find out the sex," Addison corrected. "But I'm a world-class neonatal surgeon. Of course I know the sex. I've known for months. I just…I've kept it quiet."

"For Derek's sake," Alex filled in knowingly.

Addison nodded. "And my own."

"What?"

"Finding out the baby's sex would just mean having even more one-sided conversations with Derek," Addison explained. "And I don't need that. Not when it comes to my daughter."

"You never know, he might be interested," Alex mused. Sure, Derek Shepherd was McDreary, but maybe the guy deserved a chance.

Addison shook her head. "Trust me, he won't be." _Maybe you'll be more interested when the baby comes. Right, everything's going to be different when the baby comes. Nothing's gonna change._

"It's fine, though," Addison insisted. "Better even. I don't think I could have handled his indifference when I showed him paint swatches for the nursery. And I don't think I could have handled him telling me to go ahead and name her whatever I damn well please. So, it's better this way."

Alex felt his heart sink a little at this. "Do you have a name picked out for her?" He didn't know where the question came from. It really wasn't any of his business. But his boss was clearly worn down and hurting, and her soon-to-be ex-husband wasn't paying her any attention; and she'd saved his ass on multiple occasions, so he figured he owed her one.

"You don't have to tell me," he backpedaled quickly. "It's none of my-"

"Everleigh," she said vulnerably.

"Everleigh," he repeated. "That's nice."

Addison shrugged. "Derek would hate it."

"He's a real bastard," Alex muttered, shaking his head.

"Yeah."

"But he's a bastard that deserves to know that he's going to be a father. Addison, you have to tell him."

"I don't have to do anything," Addison insisted. "And you're one to talk."

"What do you mean by that?" Alex asked in confusion.

"I'm not the only one who's hiding something. You and I both know the real reason you cheated on Meredith."

"You already said why," Alex shot back. "Because I don't love her. Because the only time I like squishy and pink is when it's work-related."

Addison chuckled. "That's true," she agreed. "But it's only half a story. You could try dating April, or some new intern, or even the druggie that Mark seems to have taken a liking to, but it wouldn't matter. You'd ruin all those relationships because you're still in love with Izzie."

"I-" Alex stammered in surprise.

"You're still in love with Izzie," Addison repeated slowly.

"But I can't be," Alex countered. "She went crazy."

"She got too attached to a patient," Addison disagreed. "You, Meredith, and Ellis blew things out of proportion and said she went crazy…to make yourselves feel better about firing her. But you and I both know there's no truth to that."

Alex nodded, letting Addison's words sink in. "You're right," he admitted. "She didn't go crazy. And I'm still in love with her."

"Then why not do something about it?"

"She's in Tacoma."

"Which isn't that far away," Addison pointed out. "Take it from someone who wishes her husband loved her half as much as you love Izzie. If you love her, tell her. And look her in the eye when you do."

"Maybe," Alex shrugged. "Hey, do you feel like getting a coffee or a tea with me? You know, it could be like a meeting of the hospital rejects or something."

Addison shook her head, and released the stop button on the elevator. "You don't want coffee or tea. You want alcohol, and I don't blame you. So, go. Have a drink. And have a drink for me too."

xxxxx

Addison was right. Alex needed alcohol. So he decided to stop by Joe's for a drink. But as he approached the entrance, he noticed Derek and Meredith leaving the bar together, hand in hand.

He rolled his eyes at the situation. He could care less that Meredith was moving on. Addison had hit the nail on the head – he'd never loved her; it was always Izzie. But seeing Derek move on so quickly pissed him off royally. His divorce papers weren't even drawn up. And he had a child on the way…not that he knew that. Still, Alex knew that he had to put a stop to this.

"Are you sure this is a good idea?" he asked, walking up to the couple, eyeing them critically.

Meredith glared at him coldly. "You don't get a say in my life anymore. You cheated on me. You have absolutely no say in how I choose to live my life."

"That's fair," Alex conceded. "But I was actually talking to McDreary. Dr. Shepherd, can I talk to you for a minute?"

Derek glanced between Alex and Meredith, before sighing heavily. "Fine; one minute," he agreed, as Alex pulled him over to the side.

"You know, she's right," Derek said, once they were out of Meredith's earshot. "You have no right to be jealous."

"I'm not," Alex shrugged. "This has nothing to do with me and Meredith. This has to do with you, and the fact that you're still married."

"I'm getting divorced."

"But tonight you're still married."

"You know, you're one to talk," Derek said snidely. "You cheated on your fiancée today; you have a lot of nerve trying to lecture me about fidelity."

"Hey, I may be hypocritical, but I'm still right."

"You have no idea what my life is like, Karev."

"Maybe I don't," Alex admitted. "But-"

"Exactly," Derek interrupted angrily. "You have no idea. So mind your own business."

"You know," Alex began hotly. "If you're looking for squishy and pink, you don't have to go to Meredith Webber. You have much better options, like, oh, I don't know, _your_ _daughter_."

"Maybe I like…wait, what?"

Alex swallowed hard. He had just inadvertently blown Addison's cover, and now there was no way to take his words back.

"Karev, what did you just say?" Derek demanded.

"Nothing," Alex said quickly. "I said nothing."

"No. You said something about my daughter."

"I was, uh…" Alex trailed off.

"Have you been talking to Addison?"

Alex hesitated for a moment. "Yes."

"Then you should know that the baby isn't mine," Derek said icily.

Alex met Derek's eyes but remained silent. He wasn't about to confirm anything either way. Derek remained silent too, both men staring at each other resolutely, waiting for the other one to break.

"Um, excuse me," Meredith cut in, fiddling with the collar of her pink, button-down shirt. "But it's been more than a minute and I-"

"Not now, Meredith!" Alex and Derek snapped.

"Okay, yeah, you know what, I think I'll just go home," Meredith said, miffed but unsurprised when neither Alex nor Derek asked her to stay. For whatever reason her ex-fiancé and the man she had intended to sleep with tonight seemed more interested in each other than they were in her.

"Karev," Derek began shakily, once Meredith had walked away. "Am I having a daughter?"

"Addison's having a daughter," Alex responded evasively. "I have no idea what you're doing."

"Karev, is the baby mine?"

"I…" Alex trailed off, refusing to give another inch.

"You know what, I don't have time for this," Derek snapped. "I'll ask Mark."

"Good luck with that."

"You're coming with me," Derek insisted, grabbing Alex by the arm; and the two of them made their way to the hospital together.

They found Mark by the junkie's bedside, looking at her adoringly. And Derek felt his chest tighten at the scene in front of him; it only seemed to support the seed that Alex had planted in his mind – that Addison and Mark had lied to him.

"Mark!" Derek snapped.

"Shhh," Mark said, bringing a finger to his lips. "She's sleeping," he whispered, gesturing towards the junkie.

"Mark, we need to talk," Derek insisted, as he, Mark, and Alex made their way into an abandoned corridor.

"Look, man, if you want to punch me, I get it," Mark began.

Derek shook his head. "I don't want to punch you."

Mark looked at Alex warily. "Did you recruit Addison's resident to punch me? Because that seems a little-"

"Nobody's getting punched, Mark," Derek said. He swallowed hard, his throat thick and dry with emotion. "Did you lie to me?" he choked out hoarsely. "About the baby?"

Mark shook his head. "No."

"Oh," Derek choked out, the disappointment in his voice impossible to miss. "Okay, I just, I thought maybe…You know what, never mind."

"I didn't lie to you," Mark said gently. "Because I never confirmed or denied anything. I just made a comment about how the situation was awkward. So, no, _I_ didn't lie to you. But Addison did."

Derek swallowed hard, and looked over at Alex. "So you mean…?"

"Yeah," Alex nodded.

"Congratulations, Daddy," Mark smiled. "And you can't tell us you don't want this, because we both heard it in your voice. You want this."

"I…how could you do this to me, Mark?" Derek asked. "Why would you agree to go along with this? Were you and Addison even thinking about what this might do to your reputations?"

Mark nodded. "We thought about it. But, at the end of the day, we both care about you more than we care about our reputations. Addison, for whatever reason, still loves you, and just wants you to be happy, even if it comes at her expense. And I…I'm your best man. I always will be. And it's my job to make you look good."

"Mark, you shouldn't have done this. I don't deserve it."

"Maybe not," Mark agreed.

"Definitely not," Alex inserted. "I don't get how Addison could still love you after all this."

"Because we're Addison-and-Derek," Derek choked out hoarsely.

"The greatest love song of all time," Mark added with a grin. "You don't just give up on something like that." He looked at Alex questioningly. "No offense, but I don't exactly see how you fit into this whole equation."

"Addison told me everything," Alex answered. "We bonded over being the hospital rejects…and she told me everything."

"Everything?" Derek asked in surprise. "Did she tell you about how I said that I wanted to make things work?" _I don't know what's wrong with me. All I know is that the baby is coming, and I want it. We'll just take it one step at a time. I want to make it work."_

"Did she tell you that?" Derek asked Alex desperately. "Did she tell you that I want to make it work?"

Alex shook his head. "She didn't. Maybe she doesn't believe you."

"Well the three of us could stand here and debate this to death," Mark pointed out. "But, Derek, you're not going to get any real answers unless you talk to Addison. I'm gonna go back to Lexie now, but call me if you need anything, okay?"

"Lexie?" Alex asked in confusion.

Mark rolled his eyes. "The junkie has a name. And it's Lexie. And I think she might be something special. Anyway…" he trailed off before turning to walk away.

Derek watched Mark's retreating form before turning to Alex. "I'm a jerk," he muttered.

"I'd go with bastard," Alex nodded. "But jerk fits too."

"I messed up big time," Derek admitted. "I'm a terrible husband, and a horrible father."

"You're better than my old man," Alex shrugged. "Not that that's saying much." Alex looked at Derek sympathetically. "You can fix this."

"I don't know," Derek disagreed. "I've been absent and indifferent towards Addison. And I haven't shown any interest in the baby."

"Your daughter," Alex corrected.

"My daughter," Derek repeated, a smile spreading across his face.

"Everleigh," Alex said quietly.

"What?"

"Everleigh. That's what Addison wants to name her," Alex explained.

"Everleigh," Derek said, testing out the name. "It's different."

"Addison said you'd hate it."

"No. No, I don't hate it. I…" Derek trailed off, his eyes softening. "Everleigh Shepherd." He turned to Alex. "That sounds good, doesn't it?"

"It does," Alex agreed. "But I'm not the person you should be having this conversation with."

"I know," Derek nodded.

"Anyway," Alex smiled, "I've got somewhere I've got to be, so good luck."

"Thank you," Derek nodded. He watched Alex turn to walk away, before calling out to him. "Hey, Karev, where do you have to be?"

Alex turned and smiled. "Tacoma."

xxxxx

Alex made the forty-five minute drive from Seattle to Tacoma, and as he stood in the hallway of Tacoma General Hospital, he hoped his trip wasn't for nothing. He quickly spotted Izzie; her back was turned towards him, and he couldn't see her face, but he knew it was her. He could recognize her anywhere.

"Dr. Stevens," he said quietly, mentally scolding himself. _Izzie._ To him, she'd always be Izzie.

"Izzie," he said a little louder; and the blonde turned and faced him.

"Alex," she said in surprise. "What are you doing here?"

"Your hair," Alex smiled. "It's different. It's shorter. I like it."

"Yeah," Izzie nodded. "It's different. What are you doing here?"

"I missed you," Alex confessed vulnerably.

"I thought you were engaged," Izzie said in confusion.

"I _was_ engaged," Alex nodded. "But I'm not anymore."

"I'm sorry, I guess," Izzie shrugged.

"Don't be," Alex insisted. "Because the thing is, I thought Meredith was something good. I thought she was my chance at something good. But she's not. 'Cause at the end of the day, she's just squishy and pink."

"Squishy and pink?" Izzie asked in confusion.

"Squishy and pink," Alex nodded. "And I don't do squishy and pink. Except at work," he amended. "I'm captain of the vagina squad."

"That's great," Izzie chuckled. "Congratulations."

"Thanks," Alex smiled. "But that's not my point. My point is that _you're_ my chance at something good. You and me together is the only thing that's ever really made sense. We're good together."

"Alex, I don't know what you're asking of me."

"A date," Alex smiled. "And then another one…you know, for as long as we both shall live."

"Alex."

"Iz, I just spent the afternoon with a woman who would do anything for her husband to notice her…to love her. I love you, and I don't want to lose you again."

"I can't go back to Seattle, Alex."

"I don't think I can either," Alex admitted. "I cheated on my boss' daughter. I'm pretty sure Ellis Grey will find some way to fire me."

Izzie nodded, as she let Alex's words sink in. "So, a date?" she asked with a smile.

Alex nodded. "Is tomorrow too soon?"

Izzie shook her head. "It's not. But I get off work in fifteen minutes. Is tonight too soon?"

Alex smiled at her lovingly. "No. Tonight's perfect."

xxxxx

"Just a minute," Addison called out, as she made her way towards the door of her hotel room, wondering who in the world could stopping by to see her so early in the morning.

"Derek," she breathed, as she opened the door to find her soon-to-be ex-husband standing outside.

"You didn't come home last night," Derek accused.

"No."

"I stayed up waiting."

Addison shrugged. "Now you know how I felt all those nights in New York."

"I was worried," Derek admitted vulnerably.

"Why?" Addison asked in confusion. "I don't think you get how a marriage works, Derek. You're supposed to worry about your wife when you're together, not when you're getting divorced."

"Maybe we don't need to get divorced."

"Derek."

"Addison, I messed up. I've been distant and uninterested, and I'm sorry. But I want to make it work. I really do. I want to make it work."

"Derek, I told you yesterday-"

But before she could get anything else out, Derek dropped to one knee, reached in his pocket, and pulled out a ring. "Stay married to me, Addison?"

"What?" Addison asked in surprise.

"Stay married to me," Derek repeated, handing Addison the ring in his hand.

Addison accepted the ring, and looked at it carefully. The first thing she noticed was that it was incredibly tiny – it wouldn't fit an adult. It was child-sized, baby-sized even. She turned the ring over in her hand, and noticed that it was an initial ring – and that the letter, _E_, was engraved in flowing cursive.

"The ring's not really for you," Derek said quietly, stating the obvious. "I just…I know that back in the old days, whenever I messed up with you, I'd get you jewelry to apologize. And I thought…I mean I hope…I hope that Everleigh might be like you in that respect."

"Derek."

"I've messed up so badly, Addison."

"Derek, you weren't happy with me. You don't want a baby with me. You don't have to do this."

"You're right, I wasn't happy. I hate Seattle. I hate Ellis Grey. And I hate that we had to move here to get away from the affair you had with Mark, back in New York, and all the gossip that surrounded it. But we agreed that Seattle would be our fresh start. And I never gave it a chance. I never gave us a chance. But I want to."

"And why's that?" Addison challenged.

"I spent a few hours, last night, being just a guy in a bar, talking to the Anti-Addison."

"The Anti-Addison?" Addison asked in confusion.

"Meredith Webber," Derek explained. "She's Ellis Grey's daughter…you know, the one who wears a lot of pink."

"I know who she is, Derek," Addison chuckled.

Derek nodded. "We talked for a while."

"And…" Addison trailed off.

"She seemed nice enough at first. But then I realized that she's squishy and pink. And not in a good way. The only squishy and pink I want in my life is Everleigh. Because you were right, I don't want _a_ baby; I want _this_ baby," he smiled, bringing his hand to Addison's stomach. "I want _this_ baby, with you. I want Everleigh."

"Really?" Addison choked out, tears welling in her eyes.

"Really," Derek nodded, caressing her cheek with his hand before softly molding his lips against hers. "I'm sorry," he whispered when they broke apart. "For everything."

"I'm sorry too," she whispered back.

"I love you, Addison. You and Everleigh."

"I love you too, Derek." She leaned in and kissed her husband deeply. He responded in kind, and she felt her heart flutter. It had been so long since they'd kissed like that – since they shared a kiss that meant something.

"So, what now?" Derek smiled when they finally broke apart.

"Well, right now, we're about to be late for work," Addison began, looking at her wristwatch.

"No, we're not," Derek disagreed, shaking his head. "I called in an hour ago, and told Ellis we were both taking the day off."

"Really?" Addison asked in surprise. "How'd she react?"

Derek shrugged. "She was pissed at you. At me, not so much. But I think she's come to expect this type of laziness from me."

Addison chuckled at her husband's words. "Well, it looks like we've got the whole day, then. Just the two of us."

"We've got more than that," Derek smiled.

"Yeah?" Addison breathed.

"Yeah," Derek nodded, giving her a soft smile. "Every day until eternity."

xxxxx

_Five months later…_

"This house is incredible," Izzie complimented. "I can't believe the size of the kitchen."

"Thanks," Derek grinned, carefully shifting the sleeping, three-month-old baby in his arms. "Wait until you see the back porch."

"You know, I really think L.A. suits you, Derek," Mark grinned.

"Hey, it suits you too," Derek smiled. "It suits all of us."

Just a month earlier, Derek, Addison, Alex, Izzie, Mark, and Lexie had picked up and moved to L.A., and never looked back. Derek and Addison had bought out and revamped Naomi and Sam's failing private practice, and opened a new practice of their own – Bayside Wellness. Mark, Alex, and Izzie immediately accepted jobs there. And the practice was thriving.

Lexie had begun to turn her life around. She moved to L.A. with Mark – Seattle had nothing left for her. And she had taken up a new leaf. She began attending AA meetings and, ironically, met and became close friends with none other than Amelia Shepherd, Derek's youngest sister. Lexie and Amelia became housemates, Amelia accepted a job at Addison and Derek's practice, and Lexie, surrounded by a bunch of new doctor friends, decided that she too wanted to be a doctor, and was studying for the MCAT.

Addison and Derek's daughter, Everleigh Shepherd, was born a few months after her parents' reconciliation – a beautiful baby girl with her father's dark curls and her mother's pale, blue-green eyes…and definitely her mother's personality. And Derek swore that he had, never in his life, seen a more beautiful baby. At three-month-old, Everleigh was already a clear mommy's girl, and Derek sometimes couldn't help but wonder if his daughter somehow instinctively knew that he had once been inexcusably indifferent towards her. Addison, of course, brushed off her husband's fears as silly, reminding him that it had been several months since he'd last been distant or indifferent, and that he was a wonderful father to Everleigh. He had been the one to change her first diaper, he was constantly holding her, and he could always be counted on to get up for a 3 a.m. feeding.

"So, do you want to see Everleigh's nursery?" Addison asked their guests, ripping Derek from his thoughts.

"Definitely," Izzie smiled.

And as Addison opened the door to Everleigh's pale-pink nursery, a wide smile spread across Derek's face. He couldn't help it; it was his favorite room in the house.

"So, what do you think?" Derek asked.

Alex offered Derek a good-natured grin. "Squishy and pink," he assessed. "Very squishy and pink."

"But in a good way, right?" Derek asked.

"Yes," Alex nodded. "In a very good way."

Derek smiled down at the sleeping baby in his arms before pressing a kiss to her forehead. He wrapped an arm around his wife, and sighed contently, as he watched his friends admire Everleigh's well-decorated nursery. Alex was right; the room was squishy and pink. There was no doubt about it. And come to think about it, maybe Derek's life nowadays was squishy and pink as well. But it was a good kind of squishy and pink. The best kind. And he wouldn't change anything about it.


End file.
